you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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