Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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