someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
