'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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