So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
