Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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