Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
