my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
