My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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