apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
