Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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