PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
