sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i out mim tonsoeep
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
