I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
