I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
