How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am mentally ready for anal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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