did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
