Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
