I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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