The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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