I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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