I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
