Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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