Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
