Soap is not a condiment
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
