well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize