Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
