how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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