my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
