She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I smell like Dick and happiness
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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