May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
