yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
