Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
