Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
