YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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