I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
