So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
