smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
