allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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