it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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