Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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