Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
