Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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