thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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