and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
