Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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