The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
