Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
