Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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