i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
