So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
