Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
