So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
