"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Less talking, more tequila
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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