So drunk its hurt
my sisters under your porch take her home
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
