I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
