Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
