Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
