Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
