Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
