Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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