Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
