it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
