First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
