He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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