omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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