You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
